On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
