i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
