sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
