wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
