I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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