The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
