Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
