How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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