You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
