And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
