took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
