It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize