Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
