Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
