Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
