OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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