what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
