I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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