Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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