im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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