Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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