i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
