So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
