I don't think brook has ever known best
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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