Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
