i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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