he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
