I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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