The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
