I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
ok first of all what the fuck
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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