My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
