I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
