I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
