I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
