Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
