Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
