hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
