Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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