No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
