Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
