I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize