My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
