I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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