if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
