currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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