FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
