Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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