hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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