Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize