I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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