we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
