YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
