I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize