Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
