Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
