Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
As shirtless as possible
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
