this is something i pride myself on being below average for
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
