Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
