I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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