Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
