I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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