sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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