I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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