dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
