I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I touched a dick in church today
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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