can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
