i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
