I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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