I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
