wat bout pragnant strippers??
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize