the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
wow bdsm is so cute
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
