I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize