Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
