even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize