what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
