We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
