So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
