We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
