It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
