i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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