oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
