John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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