Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
