how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How does one acquire holy water?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
