then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
