As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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