i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
