i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
