I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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