My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you had me at cake vodka
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
