You're completely useless in the revolution.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
