Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
