I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
