he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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