He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
