Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
