I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
try to milk me bitch
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