I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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