Me. At least after what I've been through.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize