OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
