That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
