he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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