I bet he comes in French.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize