does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
