why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
