I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
