thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
