My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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