theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
