This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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