it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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