The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
