ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
