Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
