I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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